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The three days that I have to go into work are becoming increasingly difficult for me lately. Ever since the Attack of the Jalapeno Peppers I have been dragging and having trouble sleeping at night. On the days I don't have to leave the house, this is not so hard on me as I can nap or sleep in. But when I cannot sleep on the nights I have to work, I find it nearly impossible to get up at 4am or even 6am. I've been working late, and getting home late, which means I am getting to bed late, and then it's even harder to get up in the morning. Thank the Lord that my boss is understanding and I am able to flex my time as needed.
I've been extremely stressed out because I am up against a deadline on a few things at work. Everything just seems to be converging at once. And things keep happening to stress me out! On Tuesday I thought my car caught fire. My husband came to rescue me and it turns out something was shorting out in the dashboard. Thankfully there was never more than smoke, but the fear of my vehicle catching fire was incredibly stressful.
I should have gone to bed and stayed there for the rest of the day, butI was asked to do the shopping for our upcoming event at work. Finally I was on my way to work by 8:30 and had to shop at four stores. One of the stores had just changed everything around so I had no idea where anything was, which caused me to have to walk back and forth through the store several times. I had to go to Costco and you know how big those stores are. Finally I got to work at 12:30. In hindsight I realized that I made a terrible mistake this day… I succumbed to a craving for dates, and ended up buying and eating too many dates. Too much carbohydrates and sugars. I had forgotten what a funk eating fruit can put me in.
On Wednesday I found a problem in our accounting system and could not figure out how to fix it. We use double entry accounting, and sometimes it is just a matter of reversing funds from one account to the next but this time when I reversed from one account to the next my trial balance was affected and I was really stressing out as to why this was happening. By around 5:30 I was dragging real bad. My husband had promised me he would be home each evening, but he wasn't when I got home which upset me pretty badly but I tried to not let it bother me. He called me from the store and said he was on his way home and he was bringing groceries home to cook dinner. I had not had anything to eat since noon and I'd gotten home at 7. By 8pm I was famished and scrambled myself some eggs and went to bed. But I had a terrible time sleeping, I kept waking up in a panic. Finally around 2am my husband came to bed and I could not sleep. Finally at 4am I went into a rant that lasted until 6am. I verbalized to my husband about my stress level and how it was it surely going to kill me in my current state. Finally I ran out of steam and realizing it was 6am I knew that I could not go to work or I would completely melt down at work, so I called my boss and left her a voice message where I apologized profusely but told her I could not make it in without some sleep. Finally I drifted off to sleep and woke before my alarm went off at 10am.
I felt halfway alive, surprisingly. I got to work at noon, and started again trying to figure out the accounting problem. Part of the problem is we are doing our books manually and electronically and the two systems are just slightly different, enough that sometimes a problem comes up that completely confounds me. I can't assume it's my boss' fault but it has been at times, and so the thought of trying to figure out how to persuade her this is a problem, and how to fix it when I don't even know how just about put me into the nut house. I was actually thinking I was headed there on Wednesday.
Finally I figured out the problem with the accounting, it turns out that the way I had to enter it to keep our journal entries the same had caused a double entry on my part. I had never encountered that particular problem, so had no idea that it could even happen.
Boy I have to say once I figured that out, the weight lifted off my shoulders and it felt like a dark cloud moved away from me. I felt so much better I could hardly believe it. During my rant earlier that morning I had been talking about how I was glad I had life insurance. That's pretty bad.
That night was our event at work, and I got through it pretty good. My husband was home when I got home, we had dinner and we got to bed before midnight. I almost felt happy when I woke up this morning. My stress level plummets dramatically when he is home at night sleeping. I just wish I could get this through to him how important it is to sleep – not only to me, but to his health and well being as well.
So… it's been a rough week… next week I have my appointment with the naturopath. I've been reading the books a friend sent me, and I keep reading these stories about how people felt practically half dead until they started to support their thyroid and adrenals.
Also, one of my GAPS friends and I were talking, and she said it's hard to know what it feels like to have energy, if you've never had energy. I have had low energy all my life, but in my twenties and thirties I came to notice that a few days before my period I would have what I would call a “burst of energy”. This “burst of energy” would allow me to get some work done in the house. I would go and go and go for hours and get tons of work done, where normally I'd be dragging and could barely do anything at all.
I read Chris Kresser's post today called There's More to Health Than Food, and There's more to Life Than Health. He says:
I see a lot of people in my practice that have their nutrition completely dialed in, but don’t take care of themselves in other ways. Maybe they don’t manage their stress, they don’t exercise, or they don’t sleep well.
Chris doesn't mention getting your thyroid tested properly or other health issues, but as I read it, that's what I thought about. I thought about how I am not living life to its fullest right now. I need more than diet alone. How I wish that it were that easy for me, but apparently it's not (it makes me a little bit upset that GAPS alone has not addressed everything for me). I want to feel like getting up in the morning, I want to feel like exercising, I want to garden again. I want to have enough energy to clean my house. I want to feel that energy I used to feel when I had those bursts of energy. And something else I read of how people can think more clearly. I don't feel like I have brain fog, but maybe I do… maybe I will have more mental clarity once my thyroid is supported.
Well, I'll keep you updated.
In the meantime, I am dedicated to sticking with GAPS as I feel this way of eating is the best for optimum health. I have heard of people being on thyroid medication and having to lower the dosage. Maybe I just need a jump start and period of support, or maybe I'll have to be on support for the rest of my life. Either way, I want to have more energy and feel better. I am hoping in six months I will feel like a different person.