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Every day I have gradually felt better and better. I think a huge part of my problem was grieving for the loss of easy (okay, relatively easy) access to raw milk. It is not effortless owning goats. It takes time each day and you have to be dedicated. And you can't go on vacation unless you have someone who knows how to milk who will commit to milking for you while you are gone.
My husband and I are not the type to go on vacation. We both grew up poor and our families did not go on vacation. My husband's family did go camping with his aunt and nephews, because his aunt wasn't poor and she owned the travel trailer and camping gear and was happy to share the equipment. I only remember going on “vacation” one time in my childhood years. We drove to California from Arizona with five children and two adults in a Chevrolet Vega. That is a small car to cram six people into! I think I may have been 10, which meant my siblings were 8, 7, 6 and a newborn. My mom and stepfather's first child together. We went to stay with my stepfather's parents for a few days. We met my stepfather's disabled sister, it was the first time I remember interacting with a severely disabled individual.
Anyway… we don't really go on vacation, but when you own goats and you CANNOT go on vacation, it starts to become tedious. Add to the mix that my husband and son despise milking, and that means I can't even get away for one night, like to hang out with a girlfriend. It's a huge ordeal because the goats are so accustomed to me milking them that they are unhappy that someone else is milking them and they may kick and act up for the substitute milk maiden, er, milk person.
For years I have talked myself into keeping the goats because of their white liquid gold. But if you have been reading my blog for any length of time, you know that I am not doing dairy (except butter, I seem to tolerate it perfectly well), my husband cannot tolerate dairy products, and I also have my oldest son off dairy as he (like myself) has been diagnosed with asthma. That leaves my youngest son, who occasionally wants a cup or two of milk to go with his SAD cereal.
We've been providing milk for one of my younger siblings' children. But then for some unknown reason she wasn't needing milk. She never was very good at letting us know when she needed more, she has a disability and doesn't drive, so we usually delivered the milk to her (on occasion my mom would drive in to my job and pick it up). My mom would pay us $5 a gallon for the milk as my sister did not have the money (she has food stamps, but I don't accept food stamps, heh). Then I think things got real tight for my mom and she couldn't afford to pay for the milk. I tried to tell them I would rather SOMEONE get the milk, even if we had to deliver it free of charge.
So then it was like, no one here can drink the milk, my sister doesn't want it… and then we got the worst squeeze load of hay we've gotten in eight years. It was so bad we were having to feed the goats three times as much just so they could pick through the stems. There is an 18 inch layer of stems in the pens because they are so picky and don't like the thick stems.
We still have not made that call. My husband is also feeling really stressed out about getting rid of the goats. He's not sure it's the right decision. But we are also having some money problems and it's come to the point where we go into deeper credit card debt to feed them, or find them a new home. Thankfully weknow of a man who will come and take them away. But we haven't worked up our nerve yet to make that phone call.
My husband and I both lost pets as children, due to our parents just one day swooping them up and taking them away to the dog pound. And we were raised with that mentality that you provide pets with a “forever home”. Now we know these are livestock, and we have even butchered our own goats before. It was difficult, but we have done it. Even so, I think we are both a little messed up when it comes to parting with an animal that we have owned for many years.
I think we will probably not have goats by the end of March, but in the meantime we need to work up our nerve to make that phone call.
I did step on the scale on March 1. My husband asked me if I was going to, and I did because he asked me. I was dressed in my jeans, and had my boots on, AND I'd just eaten breakfast consisting of two scrambled eggs and washed some vitamins down with water. The scale read 179.4#. I had been dreading the 1st, as I suspected I had gained weight. But it also could have been that I was wearing jeans and boots, instead of the shorts and sleeveless tee shirt plus having just eaten breakfast.
That meant I was almost 4 pounds heavier. Agh.
I didn't let it bother me though. I was in enough of a funk to be upset about weight gain.
Each day for this month I have been trying to stay off carbs… yesterday I was about to mix up some honey and peanut butter and then I realized, I'm actually tired. I am NOT going to eat honey when I'm tired. And I was able to avoid eating the honey. I did take a late nap. Today I did pretty good at avoiding carbs although I did put a pumpkin leather recipe into the dehydrator to see how that works out.
Today I stepped on the scale again. It said 174.8. On February 1 I weighed 176.2. I started this journey officially at 232#. I have officially lost 57.2 pounds.
I goofed off a lot in January and February, eating fruit and honey and generally making myself feel like crap. Maybe I can stay on the straight and narrow this month and see more than a pound of weight loss.