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I made it through the evening (last night) choosing from the menu plain chicken breast and green beans, with plain salad (no dressing). I managed to abstain from eating any off limit foods of which there were many: crescent rolls, cookies, more cookies, and more cookies, dozens of slices of cake, and scalloped potatoes. Oh, there were so many opportunities.
But you see, I've been giving myself permission to eat all these foods for so many years that I know they don't taste that good. I've practiced actually taking food from my mouth, if I don't like it. What is the point of eating it, if it tastes yucky, or even mediocre. Crescents for example. I guess if I'd ever had a freshly baked one, I might think differently. But they mostly taste waxy to me. And the cookies. They were a couple of weeks old (a lot of the food that comes in at my job is several days old, and is then frozen or shelf stored) so I knew they wouldn't taste that good. The chocolate cake was tempting, but it had been previously frozen.
Honestly, fresh baked goods have the potential to drop me to my knees, but these foods, they weren't all that special.
The green beans were okay, they were canned, so they weren't too special. It was something to eat though. And I got such a nice closeup picture of them with my glorified point and shoot camera. (It's a Nikon Coolpix L100 and takes FABULOUS macro shots).
I'm tempted to show you all the trays of cookies sitting around but I won't do it to you.
Afterward, my son likes to go to Burger King (one of our “traditions”) where he ordered a Double Whopper and a fry. It smelled good, I felt a bit sad, and tempted, but abstained.
I got to sleep around midnight last night. I woke naturally around 7:30. I”ve had my broth this morning. I'm thinking about going back to bed to take a nap.
Younger Son offered to make me an omelet this morning, but I wasn't hungry yet, so I declined. Eldest Son had some kind of leftover pizza. I am not sure if dh bought it from a restaurant, or if it was frozen pizza. It is hard to not freak out when I see Eldest Son eating food like that. I would love to see him start GAPS, but I really can't control it unless I'm home all the time. So we aren't going to start with him until probably the 26th of December.
Last night, as Younger Son ate his Burger King, I thought about what would I be able to eat if I was going to go to a restaurant. I can't think of anything, unless I just have a steak or piece of chicken breast and a vegetable. It makes me kind of sad. Younger Son and I are kind of eating buddies. Now that has to change.
The Whopper smelled delicious, but I thought – I've come this far, I don't want to set myself back.
I guess I'm going to go lay down for a while. I didn't go lay down after all.
I steamed some broccoli and cauliflower and had that with 2-3 Tablespoons butter. I probably shouldn't be having butter, but that's my limit on what I'm will to eliminate.
I made a coconut smoothie with coconut milk, ice cubes, an orange, half a banana. Pretty good. I really am going to lie down for a while now.
I snuggled into bed with Going Rogue, Sarah Palin's book, and read for about 20 minutes, then took a nap. I woke up to the phone ringing, it was Youngest Son letting me know he and his father had pretty much eaten dinner and so I was off the hook for cooking dinner for everyone here at home.
I noticed a different feeling when I woke up. Hard to explain, but almost a lighter feeling of mood. I had to go out and milk since we changed milking from morning to evening. I know, I keep mentioning it, but milking is a big chore for me. I guess there is a part of me that wishes I didn't know how valuable their milk is, because that is why I stubbornly continue to keep my girls and milk them. I read blogs with people who have goats (mostly women) and they are so excited and happy with their goats. I derived some joy at one point in time with our girls. But I started realizing that each birthing was draining more life out of me. Supposedly 9 out of 10 births are simple and the goat does all the work. But then there are the times when you have to “go in” and pull kids. No fun, and totally stressful. Then I learned that I had CAE in my herd, which was a devastating blow.
Anyway, as I milked, I felt the lighter mood about me. It was as if a burden had been lifted. Maybe just the nap. Could it be physical signs of getting better? I would love to see some improvement to my energy level, but it has been only seven days.
I guess dinner tonight is going to be pork chops, cauliflower and zucchini squash with plenty of butter.
I forgot to mention I've also been eating citrus. Mostly Clementine cutie mandarins – the website of which says they are NOT oranges.
I'm getting hungry. We are out of eggs, I asked dh to buy some from the store. We have our own hens, but the feed contains soy!! It is just frustrating beyond words that we have the ability to have good eggs, but can't because we are in the desert and have to haul our own water so we can't grow pasture. Besides our dogs are all chicken killers, so the chickens have to stay in a protected area which has sides and the top covered. We have coyotes out there, but our property is fenced, and we have hawks and owls which have tried to get at the chickens through the chicken wire top.
I hope I begin to see some improvement soon.
11:05pm Nearly midnight. I made chicken instead of pork chops. I had a nice serving of cauliflower and zucchini squash alongside it. Since I am home I have much more opportunity to prepare vegetables rather than have to depend on nuts like I had to while at work the past week. The vegetables are quite satisfying. I had the last of the veggies just a bit ago and am going to bed now.