Day 69 - Bad Week

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I'm still on GAPS. Haven't fallen off the wagon or anything like that. I just took a major hit to my adrenals due to becoming emotionally distraught over something that triggered memeories of a devastating childhood event.

I was very upset for two days, crying at the drop of a hat, I was heartbroken.  I would think about the situation and big fat tears would just fall out of my eyes.   Until I read about adrenal fatigue, I always wondered why an emotionally distressful situation would wipe me out physically for days afterward. Now I understand better what is happening.

Since asthma is connected to adrenals, it makes sense that my asthma symptoms have escalated. I'm using my Albuterol rescue inhaler as much as four times a day.  I thought on Wednesday I was getting a cold because my eyes were aching and red and swollen, my sinuses were clogged and running all at once, and I kept sneezing.

Finally I made a phone call, which resolved a lot, but also I realized I had been triggered. You see, I “lost” my mom when I was sixteen years old. She didn't die, she didn't move away… she gave me to our woman pastor.

The woman pastor had persuaded my mother that I was starving myself to death – anorexia was just beginning to make an appearance in the news and I had always been naturally thin.  I was not anorexic.  But the woman pastor was convinced that I was not eating enough, and bullied my mom into letting me go live with her.  She had been our pastor for eleven years by that time, and my mom was scared to disobey her.

I realized the heartbroken feelings I had this week, the sobbing, crying, depression, were almost certainly flashback emotions to that time in my life.

Eventually I ran away – at the age of 21.  I finally regained contact with my mother, but she was still scared of the woman pastor and so we couldn't resume our relationship at that time.  It took a couple of years until my mom finally broke away from the abusive pastor.   My mom still feels some fear talking about the past and that situation, and it's been almost twenty years!!

At any rate, the situation has been resolved but I think the person involved probably thinks I'm a nutcase.

I did find out that there is a version of Albuterol that does not contain GMO corn (ethanol).  It is called Ventolin.  I asked my doctor to give me that, instead of the Pro-Air that he originally prescribed. I am still waiting to hear back from the drugstore as to whether my insurance company will cover the new medication.

I have had my broth this morning. I need to go get something for breakfast as I am very hungry.

Maybe more later. Thankfully I have four days off and hopefully I can recuperate from the terrible stress I went through on Tuesday and Wednesday.

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3 comments to Day 69 – Bad Week

  • I’m sorry about that. That must be awfully confusing and frustrating. Adoption is tricky… because I think the attitude of ‘whoever would be a better parent deserves the kid’ and denies the strong ties of biology. I’m adopted (from birth) and even that adds a whole set of issues.

    [Reply]

    Starlene Reply:

    Cara, thanks for the kind words. It was a horrible time in my life. But it’s over and I got my mom back. It just makes me realize how precious she is to me and that I need to make more time for her in my life! Thanks for visiting and commenting!

    [Reply]

  • Jen

    ((HUGS)) I am so sorry to hear that! I am so proud of you for opening up and telling people though. I hope you have a great weekend. Let me know if you need anything! ((HUGS))

    [Reply]

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