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On Tuesday I left off at about the time I was feeling pretty good.
Today has been another story.
First off, I had a terrible nightmare during the night that Eldest Son lost seven of his upper teeth. Starting with the two front teeth, going back until they were just gone. And the gums were all healed, so this was a huge shock to me. I mean, obviously, if they were totally healed, they fell out a long time ago. I woke up crying out, I was so upset. [NOTE, this did NOT happen, he still has all his beautiful teeth, lol]
I didn't sleep well last night. I had chicken breast with zucchini squash and spinach for dinner (last night). I woke in the middle of the night very hungry. Nothing to eat because I'm really not prepared to be doing this “diet” yet. But I found an avocado and had that, and was able to get back to sleep. I switched milking to afternoons, so I don't have to get up at 3:30am on the days I have to go in to work. That was nice because I had a terrible time getting up this morning. I was ravenous upon waking up. The book says our body is in “detox” until 10am, and this is why many people aren't hungry in the morning. Yeah. This isn't me. Maybe if my hours were different.
For breakfast dh heated up some broth that was a “second” batch. We usually cook the chicken, then pull off the meat and start a second batch of broth. Well, it tasted horrible. I ended up tossing mine out, and heating up some that was much better.
I've been trying to avoid all dairy products, bread, white flour, sugars. Pretty much I'm only having meat, vegetables, broth, butter and cashews.
I have been tired, and felt like crap all day long. I felt so good yesterday.
I managed to avoid all the food around me again. Yesterday I was summoned to the kitchen to serve and they had this magnificent Chef salad with all kinds of unapproved foods, like Black Forest ham (processed meat), cheese, ranch dressing (dairy and possibly MSG), fresh cut and baked bread cubes. I didn't even eat one bread cube.
I felt oddly detached from the food. I have been practicing not eating food that I know isn't good for me, and mostly I know it doesn't taste good anyway. Like we have breakfast type snack things on the tables in the morning at work for our clients. Like the big muffins, or a slice of banana bread, etc. I will indulge on occasion but mostly I decline, because it doesn't taste good anyway! I have also been practicing not eating foods that make me feel icky after I eat them.
So this feels differently than when I did the lowfat dieting. I just don't want to kid myself, lie to myself.
I looked at the bread cubes and I thought about having one, but I don't even really like bread cubes. And I'd brought my own salad, and it was very delicious. Now that was yesterday.
Today they had chili dogs for lunch. Big fat sausage-like hot dogs, that I don't really like so much anyway. Hot dog buns that were probably not as fresh as I'd like them to be. Doritos or some kind of chips that I didn't like that much last time I had them. And cake that had the sugar frosting which I don't like.
Now I'm serious about all this stuff. It was not hard for me to bypass having any of it.
What was hard was eating my lunch cold, because on top of everything else I'm trying to not use the microwave at work. I don't use one at home, we haven't had one for years, but I have been using the one at work when I bring my lunch. Microwaving foods destroys it, so if I'm going to do this elimination diet I may as well not use the microwave.
I had leftover spinach and zucchini squash, with about three ounces of chicken breast, some olive oil. It was okay, just not too exciting.
I was upset on the way home, crying on the phone to dh.
I guess there is a part of me that knows this isn't going to work, so what the heck am I doing?
Tonight dh made chili with hamburger and white beans. White beans are supposed to be okay. I had a small bowl and I felt kind of bloated after I ate. I went out to milk.
I gave the milk to the chickens. I gave the milk to the chickens last night, too. I am tired, and don't feel like having to bring it in and process it and chill it, then try to remember to put it in the fridge. It is just easier to give it all to the chickens, especially since we aren't drinking it right now. It's easier to milk the goats when I know someone can enjoy the milk.
I have two families that we share the milk with, but there is at least 8 to 10 gallons frozen in the freezer already.
Okay, enough rambling for tonight. Maybe more tomorrow.