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Yesterday I went to a wedding for a dear friend with whom I used to work. It's always a challenge going to celebrations because of the food dilemma, but I've been doing GAPS 18 months now and I no longer feel deprived if I can't eat what everyone else is eating. My friend had her dinner and reception at a Mexican food restaurant. Thank you God that I've been doing GAPS so long, because Mexican is one of my favorite foods. The meal consisted of refried beans, Spanish rice, flour tortillas, corn chips, salsa and some kind of beef. I passed on everything – I could have taken a chance on the salsa and the beef, but I didn't want to take a chance on getting any illegals.
I'd gone to a grocery store just prior to the dinner and bought myself some nitrate-free salami, an avocado, a banana, and a package of deli meat with no nitrates. I also brought from home some “fudge babies” made with almond flour, cocoa powder, butter, coconut flakes, chunky peanut butter and a dab of honey. The banana and the fudge babies were my substitute for wedding cake! 🙂
Anyway… all of my life I have been too shy to get up and dance. Not to mention I was raised in the Pentecostal religion and dancing was forbidden (unless of course you were under the supposed power of the Holy Spirit). With the idea dancing is forbidden, along with the overbearing thoughts of how stupid I must look, how people surely are laughing at me while they watch me consumed me and I could not get past the thoughts. Actually, I was able to dance one time, when I went out with my sister. But it was difficult as the thoughts were nearly overwhelming.
But since my personality change, which I have to attribute to GAPS and healing gut dysbiosis, I was able to get up and dance several times and I enjoyed myself immensely. Can you see the joy in my face in the photo above? I danced with the bride and I danced with some women friends in attendance, and I was able to completely turn off the feelings of self-doubt and feelings of embarrassment.
I felt joyously alive. I felt happy. I had energy! I felt like dancing! And I got up and danced when a song came on that I enjoyed! The bride and groom had a DJ and there was a great mix of songs, from Latino to disco to slow dance love songs.
I have been quiet here at the blog because I have been tired lately and I have been going through a bit of a rough patch. It's hard to find the energy to put my words here when I am tired.
People don't understand what GAPS can do. They see the weight I've lost, and they automatically assume it's a diet to lose weight. While I have lost weight, that has only been one small side effect of doing GAPS. My main goal has always been to regain health; to stop feeling exhausted and feel joy instead of depression. I have had much healing in the last 18 months, and I am no longer super tired or badly depressed, but my body is still healing. I still need plenty of sleep and don't have a lot of energy yet. I'm still at times bummed out, but nowhere near as bad as I felt before GAS.
It takes time to heal the gut; Dr. Natasha says two years, “…if we're lucky.” One of my list members said it can take one month for every year one has been alive, so it may well take four years for me to heal (since I just turned 48 last month).
I am still working to heal my body, and I know it will take time, and I'm willing to do what it takes to continue to heal.
Last night in between dancing the night away… I thought again of who I might have been had it not been for gut dysbiosis… I am such a strong woman, how much more would I have done if I'd actually had some energy?! I have always been tired and lethargic. As a child I detested running and physical education. It seems I was born with fatigued adrenals. Speaking of which, I did get back the results to my adrenal testing. I hope to share what I learned soon. I have not yet decided on the course of action I want to take, and how much of the prescribed protocol I want to follow.
It is a little stressful because there is a part of me that wants to be the “good girl” and do what I'm told, on the other hand, Dr. Natasha says we should be in charge of our own health. Additionally, the protocol includes GAPS illegals, so I would be disregarding the Dr. Natasha's protocol if I started on GAPS illegal supplements. Not to mention I might make myself sick!
So I am still trying to decide what I want to do as far as following through with the suggested protocol to heal my adrenals.
Last night was fun. The reception was scheduled to last until midnight, but I said my goodbyes around 10pm as I was starting to feel sleepy, and had an hour's drive home. I got home and was in bed by midnight. A late night for me, but wow! I actually had the energy to participate and enjoy myself.
Here's to our GAPS Journey!