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  • Schizophrenia in my Family

    The first time I heard about schizophrenia was when my sister’s husband was diagnosed as being schizo-affective. He heard voices. Back then I was much more superstitious about God and I wondered if it was demon possession. Since then I’ve learned to let go of all that superstitious nonsense of my childhood religion. Let me digress for a moment, and if you are uncomfortable with a bit of talk about Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, skip on down to the next paragraph. I’m now what is called a “Mid-Acts Dispensationalist” and I won’t go into great detail, but basically we believe that we are to “rightly divide the Word of Truth” which means that the Bible is broke into different dispensations. As a result, we’re living in the age of grace, and the only thing we must do to have our salvation is to believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, was buried and rose from the dead. I no longer believe that miracles are being performed, we don’t have to ask forgiveness for every little wrong thing we do. All the work was done at the cross for our salvation and that is what we have today.

    So my brother-in-law was diagnosed schizo-affective. He scared me. He was unpredictable (my fear of these people unfortunately manifests as hatred), would scream and yell and he beat my sister. Eventually she left and divorced him, but not until they’d had three children together. Eventually he killed himself, my sister claims it was an accident. Gunshot wound to the main artery in his thigh and he bled to death barricaded inside a friend’s home. He was making my sister’s life so miserable it was a nightmare; I hate to admit being relieved to know I won’t ever have to face him again and he’ll never be able to torture my sister again.

    My father was officially diagnosed with schizophrenia. That leads me to my father, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2008. He has had mental issues all his life, and I thank God that he ran away and abandoned me and my mom and two sisters when I was five. He has done things over the years like get up on a roof and shoot at other houses, he slathers his head with olive oil to get rid of the “cradle cap”, he sucks on a pacifier to exercise his mouth, and about two years ago he was arrested for exposing himself to two young girls walking to school. He happened to be drenched in olive oil at the time. About a year ago I got a call that he’d drank antifreeze in a suicide attempt. He came to visit me about four or five years ago and he was very skinny, and looked horrible, skin and bones. His claim to the fantastic body (he really thought he looked exceptionally great) was his diet of corn tortillas and white rice and an occasional chocolate bar.

    I was appalled. Especially after he told me a nutritionist told him that white rice is fortified so he was getting all his vitamins that way. He wouldn’t stop bothering me (by email) about my weight, and it was one of the things that compelled me to stop having regular contact with him. My own husband never says a word about my body, my father ran away when I was five and how dare he preach to me about my weight.

    I was convinced from the time I heard what he was eating that his troubles were caused from nutrition. I thought maybe pellagra.

    For a while I was really scared that I was going to end up with schizophrenia, too. Surely it must be hereditary, and sometimes I feel so stressed out and full of anxiety, it would feel like my brain wasn’t working correctly. I would feel very weighed down. I would cry easily and felt like I was going to crack at any minute. That’s when I started taking Kava-Kava every day for about a month. I was finally able to go off the Kava-Kava, thankfully, mainly because my boss gave me permission to work from home one day a week and that helped a great deal. She has a lifelong friend who had a nervous breakdown and maybe she saw me exhibiting similar signs. I was pretty stressed out at work, even breaking down and crying. After a few weeks she commented to me that I seemed like I was doing a lot better.

    If the parents have gut issues, the children are almost certainly going to have gut issues. The mother may pass on the wrong bacteria during childbirth and if the diet is wrong it can lead to gut issues. I have also read that schizophrenia can begin to manifest in the teen years, which of course is when the hormones are beginning to produce, and also the body is beginning to feel the stress of surviving on less than desirable foods.

    Our bodies have the wonderful ability to heal themselves. Sometimes, knowing what I know about traditional foods and nutrition, it’s a wonder more people aren’t bedridden since their diets are so horrible. I look around me and I see people taking antibiotics every month or every other month, people with IBS, one was recently diagnosed with lupus, another on high doses of thyroid medication with gut issues. I wish I could bring them all home and feed them nutritiously and help them to heal.

    GAPS DIET JOURNEY is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to AMAZON.COM. GAPS DIET JOURNEY is an affiliate for several companies and may be compensated through advertising and marketing channels. Therefore, this post may contain affiliate links.

  • Day 4

    On Tuesday I left off at about the time I was feeling pretty good.

    Today has been another story.

    First off, I had a terrible nightmare during the night that Eldest Son lost seven of his upper teeth. Starting with the two front teeth, going back until they were just gone. And the gums were all healed, so this was a huge shock to me. I mean, obviously, if they were totally healed, they fell out a long time ago. I woke up crying out, I was so upset. [NOTE, this did NOT happen, he still has all his beautiful teeth, lol]

    I didn’t sleep well last night. I had chicken breast with zucchini squash and spinach for dinner (last night). I woke in the middle of the night very hungry. Nothing to eat because I’m really not prepared to be doing this “diet” yet. But I found an avocado and had that, and was able to get back to sleep. I switched milking to afternoons, so I don’t have to get up at 3:30am on the days I have to go in to work. That was nice because I had a terrible time getting up this morning. I was ravenous upon waking up. The book says our body is in “detox” until 10am, and this is why many people aren’t hungry in the morning. Yeah. This isn’t me. Maybe if my hours were different.

    For breakfast dh heated up some broth that was a “second” batch. We usually cook the chicken, then pull off the meat and start a second batch of broth. Well, it tasted horrible. I ended up tossing mine out, and heating up some that was much better.

    I’ve been trying to avoid all dairy products, bread, white flour, sugars. Pretty much I’m only having meat, vegetables, broth, butter and cashews.

    I have been tired, and felt like crap all day long. I felt so good yesterday.

    I managed to avoid all the food around me again. Yesterday I was summoned to the kitchen to serve and they had this magnificent Chef salad with all kinds of unapproved foods, like Black Forest ham (processed meat), cheese, ranch dressing (dairy and possibly MSG), fresh cut and baked bread cubes. I didn’t even eat one bread cube.

    I felt oddly detached from the food. I have been practicing not eating food that I know isn’t good for me, and mostly I know it doesn’t taste good anyway. Like we have breakfast type snack things on the tables in the morning at work for our clients. Like the big muffins, or a slice of banana bread, etc. I will indulge on occasion but mostly I decline, because it doesn’t taste good anyway! I have also been practicing not eating foods that make me feel icky after I eat them.

    So this feels differently than when I did the lowfat dieting. I just don’t want to kid myself, lie to myself.

    I looked at the bread cubes and I thought about having one, but I don’t even really like bread cubes. And I’d brought my own salad, and it was very delicious. Now that was yesterday.

    Today they had chili dogs for lunch. Big fat sausage-like hot dogs, that I don’t really like so much anyway. Hot dog buns that were probably not as fresh as I’d like them to be. Doritos or some kind of chips that I didn’t like that much last time I had them. And cake that had the sugar frosting which I don’t like.

    Now I’m serious about all this stuff. It was not hard for me to bypass having any of it.

    What was hard was eating my lunch cold, because on top of everything else I’m trying to not use the microwave at work. I don’t use one at home, we haven’t had one for years, but I have been using the one at work when I bring my lunch. Microwaving foods destroys it, so if I’m going to do this elimination diet I may as well not use the microwave.

    I had leftover spinach and zucchini squash, with about three ounces of chicken breast, some olive oil. It was okay, just not too exciting.

    I was upset on the way home, crying on the phone to dh.

    I guess there is a part of me that knows this isn’t going to work, so what the heck am I doing?

    Tonight dh made chili with hamburger and white beans. White beans are supposed to be okay. I had a small bowl and I felt kind of bloated after I ate. I went out to milk.

    I gave the milk to the chickens. I gave the milk to the chickens last night, too. I am tired, and don’t feel like having to bring it in and process it and chill it, then try to remember to put it in the fridge. It is just easier to give it all to the chickens, especially since we aren’t drinking it right now. It’s easier to milk the goats when I know someone can enjoy the milk.

    I have two families that we share the milk with, but there is at least 8 to 10 gallons frozen in the freezer already.

    Okay, enough rambling for tonight. Maybe more tomorrow.

    GAPS DIET JOURNEY is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to AMAZON.COM. GAPS DIET JOURNEY is an affiliate for several companies and may be compensated through advertising and marketing channels. Therefore, this post may contain affiliate links.

  • Opening a GAPS House

    After reading Millie and Kevin’s success story on the GAPShelp Yahoo group, I thought of something that I wish I could do. Only I don’t have the money to do it, and am not sure how I would go about it. It would have to be a non-profit organization, and it would need to be privately funded.

    If I won the lottery though, and I was able to heal myself through GAPS and become a success story myself, this is what I would love to do.

    Find a big piece of land somewhat away from civilization, like at least 50 or maybe 100 miles from the nearest stores and fast food joints.

    There would ideally already be a big house on the property, with lets say six huge bedrooms. Big enough to house a family of four or five people.

    There would be a huge kitchen, with four separate cooking stations. Each station would have its own refrigerator, stove, and preparation area.

    There would be a master chef on premise, who was well versed in all the tenets of the GAPS diet.

    Organic food would be provided as part of the program.

    There would be a very large dining room area for families who wanted to all join together and eat at the same place, and two other smaller eating areas for families who preferred some privacy, or perhaps whose diet was more restricted than the others who could eat at the communal table.

    Families would be able to come to this “house” for a period of time, perhaps one month at a time on a scholarship.

    There would also be staff available to “babysit” children while the parents took instructional classes, which would consist of cooking and also learning more about GAPS. Children would always be welcome and encouraged in all teaching sessions. All classes would be audio taped so if parent had to step out with their child they would be able to go back and listen to the class.

    The master chef would teach the parents all about GAPS cooking. The four cooking areas would be used to prepare the meals for the family for the day. Parents could use the babysitting services at this time, or include their children in the daily cooking. It would be suggested that children are present for about 50% of the daily cooking, just so they are able to take part in the learning process.

    Families could come here to do intro, get started on GAPS, or refine their diet, away from the societal pressures of fast food joints, television, etc.

    Speaking of television, it would be available, but limited to a small room with a small television. Children and parents would be encouraged to spend time outdoors in the sunshine, playing and enjoying themselves and just relaxing.

    Possibly one bedroom would be completely soundproofed, in the event a family is in attendance with a child that has greater gut issues and would disrupt the rest of the facility with loud crying.

    The place would have a garden, hopefully a swimming pool (no chlorine), horses, chickens for their eggs [affiliate link] (and eating), goats for their milk, for those who can tolerate dairy.

    I think it would be a great help to families to get a start on the GAPS diet if they had someplace they could go. I know how difficult it was when my children were younger and we were doing the lowfat and white flour and no sugar diet. When I took them to the grocery store they wanted all kinds of stuff that we weren’t allowed to eat, like candy bars, or ice cream, chips, etc. When we’d drive past fast food joints, they wanted a burger and fries, or tacos and a burrito. Television was a constant source of foodie commercials.

    It would be awesome to be able to go somewhere and just slow down life. Slow way down. It would also be a time where I would suggest that computer time was limited to no more than an hour each day for adults, none for children.

    OH, and this wouldn’t be ONLY for parents and children. Adults could attend also.

    I envision it would be wildly popular and there would be people signed up on a waiting list for months at a time. It would need to be first come, first served. Maybe once the house was well established, other houses could be opened in other states around the world! 🙂

    Wouldn’t that be cool?

    GAPS DIET JOURNEY is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to AMAZON.COM. GAPS DIET JOURNEY is an affiliate for several companies and may be compensated through advertising and marketing channels. Therefore, this post may contain affiliate links.

  • Day 3

    I made my way to bed by 7:30 and was probably asleep by 8:15pm last night. I did end up having some salad, with cold pressed olive oil, 1/2 clove pressed garlic, Bragg’s apple cider vinegar, sea salt [affiliate link], 1/2 avocado, black olives and chicken breast. It was pretty darned tasty.

    I milked last night because the wind was blowing so hard, and it was so cold I knew it was going to be really hard to milk at 3:30am (we only milk once every 24 hours. I usually milk in the morning from about April until November, then afternoons. In order to “switch” we milk morning and afternoon, and then the girls don’t have to wait 36 hours).

    I woke naturally at 4:25am. Ds2 had already left for work. Dh was still asleep (unusual for him as he is usually up by 2:30-3am, but he didn’t any jobs scheduled today so I guess he slept in).

    I didn’t have to leave until 5am (or thereabouts) so I started to get ready. I showered last night also so I didn’t have to do that this morning.

    I warmed up my cup of broth and drank that warm just before I left. I had a handful of cashews upon arriving at work.

    I brought leftover salad (the same as last night) for my food today.

    Perhaps because I got caught up on my sleep this weekend, or maybe because I woke naturally, I am wide awake this morning. I think my dark circles are even much lighter. I did not have any dairy at all yesterday, nor bread products/gluten. Could that be part of it. It was really nice to not be falling asleep on the hour long drive.

    GAPS DIET JOURNEY is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to AMAZON.COM. GAPS DIET JOURNEY is an affiliate for several companies and may be compensated through advertising and marketing channels. Therefore, this post may contain affiliate links.

  • What I’m Afraid Of

    Here are the things of which I’m afraid:

    • Food cravings – The only diet I went on in my life was low fat. I now realize it was exactly the kind of diet that sets up food cravings. I started craving donuts most likely because of the fat content (at the time I thought it was the sugar). I’m afraid going on GAPS will resurrect those desperate food cravings that I don’t experience when I allow myself to eat whatever I want to, and not only whatever I want, but the amount I want!! Many people will tell you they are on Weight Watchers and can eat ANYTHING they want, but then you find out that they can only have one bite, unless they want to eat only four slices of cake for the entire day.
    • I’m afraid this, like other diets, won’t work. I wasn’t able to do Nourishing Traditions, but then again my husband was not on board. Now that he has his own illness, he seems to be willing to help. Although just the other day he said maybe we shouldn’t include ds1 in the 10 day trial. I almost started crying, because I feel so much desperation to help my son.
    • I’m afraid GAPS will be too hard.
    • I’m afraid I’ll fail.
    • I know I’ll have some slips, but hopefully we can work together to do this.
    • We’re not using organic meats or vegetables, so I’m afraid we won’t see any improvement.

    GAPS DIET JOURNEY is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to AMAZON.COM. GAPS DIET JOURNEY is an affiliate for several companies and may be compensated through advertising and marketing channels. Therefore, this post may contain affiliate links.

  • Day 2

    I worked on Friday so I don’t have to work today. Sometimes I work from home on Mondays, sometimes I have to go in.

    I am however, still working. I am behind on our finances again, and the only bill for the month that has been paid is the mortgage. There are a few others that need to be paid. I also forgot to take a draw from my husband’s business account so he is going to stop by his bank today and withdraw the cash and deposit it into our personal account so that I can actually pay the bills that are due.

    I’m trying again today to see if I can avoid the off limit foods.

    I have already thrown away two dark chocolate candy things so they won’t be a temptation.

    I found this Laughing Giraffe Organics Pineapple Macadamia Coconut Cacao Gluten Free Granola in the cupboard (which my son brought home a few months ago). It’s something that was donated to my job that no one wants to eat. It tastes kind of stale… which probably means I shouldn’t eat it, but it’s gluten free! Plus, it was FREE. Look at the cost for this stuff! $9.00 for eight ounces. Egads.
    Laughing Giraffe Organics

    I’m not really a big granola eater… but linked through to this recipe this morning: Gluten Free and Grain Free “Raw” Granola over Elana’s Pantry. I would also like to have her book: The Gluten-Free Almond Flour Cookbook.

    I had a handful of cashews for breakfast, and leftover chicken soup (cabbage, red bell peppers, onions [affiliate link], celery, broth, no chicken).

    I’m making another batch of chicken stock/broth, since my previous batch only rendered 8 cups for our freezer stock.

    Had a talk with ds1 this morning. He overheard me talking to ds2, saying that we don’t need cheese in our Chef Salad tonight. Dh is already started to avoid bread and all dairy products. Anyway, ds1 heard me and got upset and angry about it. I told him we are going to start eating differently so hopefully he can stop having so much phlegm in his throat. He was all wide eyed and angry. Finally I told him it’s only for a few months (he doesn’t really understand how long a month is though), and he settled down and got happy about that.

    Pretty much with him, cheese is cheese. If swiss becomes okay to eat, he’ll be happy with that.

    Will report back later. (Hopefully)

    11:45. Had an egg yolk from a boiled egg (hate egg white)

    12:30 Ate another handful of the granola. Actually feel kind of bloated right now.

    1:48. Definitely feeling more energy today. Not sure if that’s from all the sleep over the weekend, or trying to avoid certain foods.

    Here is a link to the GAPS site for the recommended foods.

    6:15pm. We had Chef’s salad for dinner. But I wasn’t hungry, and still feel full/bloated. But I need to go to bed soon. If I go to bed hungry, I will wake up in the middle of the night starving and have to get up and eat (disturb my sleep). I may end up having a small salad.

    Tomorrow I go to work. I need to figure out what to bring with me so I will have food at work. Fun, fun.

    GAPS DIET JOURNEY is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to AMAZON.COM. GAPS DIET JOURNEY is an affiliate for several companies and may be compensated through advertising and marketing channels. Therefore, this post may contain affiliate links.