I'm still here, still doing GAPS. Celebrated my birthday last week and made some treats to bring to work that were GAPS legal… and then I proceeded to eat way too many of them, in spite of having brought them to work to share with my coworkers.

I took pictures and even invented two versions of my very own. Alas, I just haven't found the time to sit down and post the recipes or the photos.

I also have finally started paying attention to the oxalate discussion on the list… it is a very big and busy list, so one has to be selective at reading what comes through, and I had not paid much attention to the oxalate discussion, and then Natalia was talking about it on her blog, and I asked her some questions privately and also asked her on her vlog to share some information and now I'm starting to wonder if I am sensitive to oxalates.

And I have still been recovering from gaining three pounds in April. I know. I feel so stupid for being so bothered by it. I have taken to wearing dresses and skirts to work every day because it is easier to do that and still look attractive and feel pretty, than to try cramming my body into my current jeans. I am pretty sure I could still do it, but it is so uncomfortable.

Another GAPS friend of mine has some stomach distention problems, and I am starting to wonder if I have a similar problem. Or is it probably just all the birthday treats I ate, and then the two cantaloupes I ate over three days time (I ate the first one within a couple of hours, it was so delicious, I was obviously reacting to the sugars with uncontrollable cravings, no control whatsoever, still GAPS legal!). Then last night I ate two jumbo artichokes, and I know they give me gas. And they did, and my stomach is really distended today.

I showed my coworker how far my stomach protrudes when I don't hold it in, and she said she thought it was admirable how I can keep up holding my stomach in all the time. Well, the thing is, it's not that hard normally. It is like standing up straight or slumping. It takes some effort and control to stand up straight, as my natural inclination is to slump over and it looks awful when I stand that way. Of course, the gut hangs out, too. Unless I make a point to stand up straight and suck it in.

But with the two jumbo artichokes fermenting inside my belly, it was really noticeably distended today.

I am really not sure what to do with myself.

For a few days I got the notion into my head that I was eating too much fat, and I made a concerted effort to cut way back on my butter consumption. After a day or two of that, plus the birthday treats, I found myself last Thursday night eating a six ounces of a eight ounce salami (no nitrates). I was starving for fat. At least, it felt like I was starving for fat. And my anxiety came back when I was trying to cut down on fat.

I know in one of my last posts I said I was going to commit to stopping eating when I was satisfied, and that seemed to backfire as well. Over the weekend I feel like I was too hungry again and again.

So, I need to take a few steps back.

I am seriously considering not stepping on the scale tomorrow. I am sure it is going to make me feel bad if I do. There is no way I have lost weight. Unless it's in my toes or because I cut my fingernails and toenails over the weekend. 😉

I usually step on the scale on the 1st of each month. I did step on the scale a few days ago because I wanted to give an accurate weight to the laboratory which is doing my adrenal testing. I was at 176. That was before the birthday treats.

I need to find a way to disconnect from the scale. I need to find a way to be happy with where I am and realize I may need to gain weight again for the sake of my health.

Thank you for sticking around even though I've been lost in action for the last month or so. Doing intro really seemed to throw me for a loop and I am still unsettled.

Hugs,

Starlene