I usually step on the scale first thing in the morning, and I forgot to do that until a few minutes ago, around 5:30pm.

And I weigh 178.8. That's just no fair! Now before I go any further, again, again, again, let me remind myself I am not doing GAPS to lose weight. I know it's about getting healthy. But I admit I've grown a bit spoiled at the steady weight loss for almost every month I've been on GAPS. It's not fair because I've had no fruit whatsoever since I started intro, and I've hardly had any high carbohydrate vegetables.

Dr. Natasha says we shouldn't count calories, and I hate counting calories. She says we aren't a stove with a piece of wood for fuel.

But it seems like I'm doing something wrong that I'm gaining weight.

Then again, before I get too flustered, it might just be that I've weighed myself at the end of the day, rather than the beginning.

I decided to not do the almond flour [affiliate link] bread, and I never did get any olive oil drizzled onto my food. I know I can tolerate both of those, and if I make the almond flour bread I'll just eat the whole thing so I'll just do myself a favor and just not make it. Besides I'm really low on almond flour, and don't have the money to replace it, so I'm going to be frugal with the amount I have left.

So I guess my plan for the month of May is to start paying closer attention to when I feel satisfied and try to stop eating at that point, putting the food aside for later. That has always been impossible for me in the past, but maybe I'm eating too much. The food is so delicious.

Now another thing I was realizing… the last time I did intro, and lost twenty pounds in one month… I was not eating butter. I was using coconut oil [affiliate link] and lard, and chicken fat. I don't really like those fats as much as I love butter. Dr. Natasha says good healthy fats are vitally important to the healing of our gut lining…

I also have this cold… or you know… a lot of people on the GAPShelp list are saying they are having problems with allergies, maybe the pollen count is really high in my area. Maybe it's not a cold, but allergies. It sure it making me feel tired, whatever it is. I was determined to stay awake today and not take a nap, and I made it through, but boy do I feel tired.

Maybe I should give up butter.

Or maybe I'm retaining fluids since I think my period might start any day now. My ankles do still seem a little swollen.

Maybe tomorrow I won't weigh 178.8. By the way, on April 1st (last month) I weighed 175.6. So that is over three pounds I've gained.

I feel disappointed.

The weird thing about this “cold” is that my husband has it and he doesn't usually get sick, and if it's not a cold, he doesn't usually have allergies.

I am clearly not getting the right pieces of my puzzle in place. Maybe now GAPS is going to get harder for me.

But on the other hand, maybe I'm having some allergies, which can cause tiredness and also I think can affect water weight (am I just hoping?).

I want to be thankful for where I am. I am thankful that my body is healing. If my body needs more weight at this time, then that is what it needs. I have been eating well, I have not been eating crappy foods, I have been having good nourishing soup every day, I have been having ferments, I have been eating good fats. I am grateful that I am feeling so much better than I did 16 months ago, almost 17 months ago. I am not as tired, I have a lot more energy. I am able to actually do some of the grocery shopping without collapsing when I get home. I'm not going to be disappointed in myself, I am going to be proud of myself for doing all that I am doing to help my body be well.

Sorry for this disjointed post. I am feeling tired tonight. I wish I could go to bed, but I have to cook dinner. Two chickens are baking in the oven for dinner. I was planning to also make mashed cauliflower and mushroom gravy. But now I feel so tired, I don't know if I want to do all that now.