D376 Saying No is So Liberating

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I've been busier than normal lately, hence my absence here.

And okay. I confess. I've been a bit depressed. It's frustrating and disappointing that my hands hurt. I guess since I've had so many aches and pains vanish since being on GAPS, I assumed it would be that way as long as I was being faithful to this new way of eating. I was going through a difficult time, feeling very upset, and one of the people in my life who should be my most reliable support flaked on me. Then I ended up getting into a very uncomfortable conversation with one of my sisters, who I believe should be doing GAPS, but she absolutely refuses to consider GAPS. What hurt the most is I felt horrible for even saying anything at all because she had to become defensive. I apologized, and I cried. It's just hard because she talks to me about feeling tired and wanting to figure out what is wrong with herself. I guess I need to just bite my tongue. It's not like we talk that often. It really hurt me that she rejected GAPS so adamantly. It hurts to feel like I have the answer, but she isn't willing to try it for any length of time.

Anyway… last Friday was our Christmas party at my job. I felt so much better this year, compared to last year. I even managed to get the Santa photos that I took at the party, cropped, photoshopped and uploaded to Costco for developing.

But I won't make you wait any longer for an explanation to my post title. This week we have been on break at work. This means the clients aren't coming in for classes and there is a lot of cleaning going on by the kitchen personnel. When the clients are attending, we have lunch every day. When there are no clients, the cook isn't expected to cook. Instead they go out for fast food. On Tuesday it was Burger King. On Wednesday it was Jack in the Box. Today it was Wendy's.

I can still remember the inner struggle I used to have, the feeling of being torn between not wanting to eat junk food, and wanting and eating junk food.

Now it's just off limits, and that's the way it is. So much easier! There is really no need any longer for me to say no because I am no longer asked if I want to partake. But I am still saying no. I am still making a stand. On Tuesday and Wednesday I warmed up my meat and vegetables slathered in butter, and ate with all of them.

And I was perfectly fine. At the client Christmas party, the same. No desire whatsoever to have any of the foods that were served. I made sure I brought enough food to last me throughout the day, and enough to have something for dinner as well. And I was great. I had energy to last into the night, and then I drove home and was not exhausted.

One of my coworkers today said that I had tons of willpower. Not really. Seriously. If doing GAPS was so hard that it necessitated tons of willpower, I'd have failed long ago. For years I fought against the idea of not eating carbohydrates. I didn't think it was natural. I thought it was ridiculous, and why would you ever want to stop eating pasta? I was thinking on the way home tonight. It's worth it. It's worth never having pasta ever again to feel like I do. Now I don't yet have the energy of a toddler, but I can get through the day on five hours sleep and think clearly and get my work done. Without coffee [affiliate link]. That's a big thing.

So tomorrow I have to go into work for our staff Christmas potluck party. This will be a real test. There will be mostly junk food and illegal food. I am bringing two kinds of chili. One is spicy hot since there are only a couple of people at my job who can tolerate spicy foods. The rest are sissies so I'm making them a sissified batch of chili.

I also tried making the Pecan Pie from Sarah's Thanksgiving Limited Diet Menu Planner that I never got around to making at Thanksgiving… I guess I didn't follow the instructions, or something. It just didn't turn out so good. Actually, I think I might try making just the filling sometime. Since almond flour [affiliate link] is SOOOOOOO terribly expensive, I couldn't just let the pie go to waste. I ended up putting more honey [affiliate link] and butter into it, with some cinnamon [affiliate link] and baked the mixture into cookies. Not half bad.

I am very tired. I have been up since 3:30 this morning. And that with only seven hours sleep. It's such a miracle to me that I have so much energy.

Hey, my Epsom salts came in with my Azure coop order. Fifty pounds of Epsom salts! I am CRAVING a detox bath, I have not been able to take one for days. My husband has been working a lot lately, many long days and when he's working long hours I have to take up the slack at home.

Oh, one more thing. We decided to keep our goats for a few more months… we almost got rid of them. We actually put the buck in with the does on December 13th so we might have kids next May. My husband observed the buck covering one doe, but we are not sure about the others.

I must go to sleep. Sorry it has been such a long time since my last daily report. It has just been very busy lately, and having had the bout with depression didn't help. I should also mention that I had started eating some fruit and nuts again, and also ate some deli ham (nitrates/nitrites), so maybe that helped to cause the depression.

Good night.

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