Day 296 – It’s Not About The Weight

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I have to keep telling myself it's not about my weight.

And I'm having some trouble making my daily reports, because I want to be encouraging to people regarding GAPS. I don't want to be grumpy, or tired, or depressed. And my thumbs are still hurting. I haven't even begun to address the possibility of removing all traces of corn from my diet. Oh my goodness me. That would be difficult since I'm not even eating organic foods.

As I mentioned in an earlier focus, darn it, that's the second time I wrote “focus” but meant to write post. Let me try again. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I feel as if I'm losing focus. It started while we were on vacation. While at the hotel. While indulging in and enjoying fruit. Immensely. I felt wealthy beyond words at being able to eat fruit. I have never liked fruit so much in my life. I don't seem to crave it, but it is such a treat.

I am feeling so worried that I have gained ten pounds. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up Tuesday morning, put my jeans on and find that they don't fit. I was just in the size 14 jeans last Thursday, how could I have gained ten pounds over four days? I mean, sure if I were binging like mad while not vomiting, maybe I could gain five pounds.

I think I am going to have to recommit to removing honey [affiliate link], fruit and nuts from my diet for a while. I would like to say for the month of October.

I came across this video on YouTube Living in Our Vans – USA. I just watched it.

I'm thankful that I'm not homeless. I don't know how you could do GAPS if you were homeless.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. I learned in the past that having too many carbs, or honey or fruit caused me to eat more. But it is easy to fall back on the temptation to eat these foods that are so tasty.

My husband's birthday was over the weekend and I made the chocolate almond flour cake for him. He was so happy to see it. But who do you think ate most of it? Me, that's right. And chocolate is not legal on GAPS. This morning there was about 1/6th of the cake left, I made a double layer, and I ate all that was left. One slice at a time, going back to the freezer for another slice.

I was eating and eating today. And I'm sure it's due to the additional carbohydrates. I need to get serious again, and recommit myself. The holidays are coming up, and I need to be strong. At least I'm not cheating with pasta and bread, chocolate bars and candy and dairy products… speaking of dairy products, my sinuses have really been clogged lately. And I have not been getting dairy, so it must be the time of the years.

I am off my asthma medication, so that makes me happy.

But my thumbs still hurt, and that upsets me more than I can say. I feel scared that they hurt. I'm having to relearn how to pick things up, how to pull my clothing on and off, how to fasten my bra, opening jars, pressing garlic, using a knife. Thankfully I have no pain while at the computer.

But it worries me.

I wonder if eating fruit could cause problems. I read on a blog somewhere that nuts can cause inflammation. Maybe it is the nuts. I made this nutty concoction with coconut chips (long strips of coconut flakes [affiliate link]), cashews, butter and honey. It tasted very much like Cracker Jacks. And I was pigging out on that. I finally made myself eat a cucumber today with vinegar and salt on it, just to stop myself from eating the nutty concoction.

I wish I could just relax and do full GAPS, after all that's pretty much what I'm doing. But I don't want to stop losing weight. I was at 187 at the beginning of the month, and I am really stressing out about stepping on the scale. Will I see that I've gained weight next Friday morning? I hope not.

I am up late tonight. I got six hours sleep last night, I was up until midnight the previous night. Then I worked from home today, and it was hard to get through. I wasn't wanting to do it. But I made myself, and finally I was able to leave my computer and I went to bed and took a nap. A three and a half hour nap. I slept from 3:30pm to 7pm. Well, of course then I was hungry and no longer tired so I got up. Thankfully my husband had made dinner. He made baked chicken and broccoli with mushrooms.

Anyway, I have to get up early in the morning, and I am going to take another detox bath tonight so I had better get off this computer.


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