Day 188 – Back in the Trenches

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I think I am going through another healing phase. I am tired and need to get to bed. Thing is, I slept soundly last night, and took a three hour nap today. But I'm still tired. I was tired all week long in fact. I also had some brain fog going on at work, and was losing words.

I'm not too worried, I expect healing to be in spurts with some steps going backwards and then forwards.

I don't know if it was just that the week was more stressful than usual? Or maybe I am having some die off since I've been off fruit for several weeks now.

The whole candida thing for me is confusing, since for many years I was plagued with yeast infections so I just assumed I had candida. Then about three months BEFORE I started on GAPS, the yeast infections stopped and I have never had another one. I took the comprehensive questionaire and scored really low. So I just don't know. Do I have candida and it is dying off and causing me to have brain fog now?

I had a dentist appointment this week, I can't remember if it was on Tuesday or Wednesday, that's how tired I feel right now. I do remember that my last dentist appointment I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown because I had to get a small surface filling done.

Part of why I could have been stressing out so bad at that last visit is because I'm scared to go against conventional advice from doctors and dentists, which is why it's easier for me to just avoid going to them as much as possible. I was trying to be strong and if it was a filling, I was hoping to heal it by eating the “right” foods. Back then however, I was not on GAPS, and so it was futile to even attempt to heal a cavity.

I just remember how nervous I was, how anxious I felt, how I felt like I was literally shaking in the chair, and how I sobbed after I left the dentist's office because I was so upset at myself for letting him give me a tiny surface filling that I could have maybe healed. I felt like a failure.

But not this week. I was calm and not nervous at all. I am sure this is because of being on GAPS.

Now yesterday at work I did have a little spell where I got worked up about something annoying that I was being forced to do a certain way by one of our contract holders. We had the thing worked out and they were being nitpicky and I got a little annoyed. I also was feeling badly because I complimented the one gal that has helped me for the last three years (via email) only to find out that she had been “talked” to by her supervisor and told she wasn't supposed to answer questions for us any longer! Then I felt like I'd gotten her in trouble.

I finally ended up taking a Kava Kava because everything was getting on my nerves down to one of our young women clients dressing inappropriately and our building isn't in the best part of town. Everything was bothering me, and I was really tired.

My boss has been going through some terrible pain and she's not sure if it is arthritis in her hips, her kidneys, another kidney stone or what. She was in so much pain yesterday that she broke down and cried at her desk when I asked her if I could help her get her stuff to her car so she could go home early.

So maybe that was bothering me too. And my mom got stung by a scorpion for the second time in a week which was making her feet and hands numb. Maybe that was worrying me, too.

So today I just decided to take it real easy and when I laid down for a nap I ended up sleeping three indulgently lovely hours. It is unusual for me to be so tired again so early in the evening having taken a nap, but like I said maybe this is another healing phase and I'm going to get myself to bed and thank God I'm able to sleep peacefully.

Sorry for the disjointed, jumbled post, I hope I make some sense!

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2 thoughts on “Day 188 – Back in the Trenches

  1. Isn’t it funny? I just realized a couple of days ago that I’m going through a healing phase as well. It took me a while to figure it out because it seems to happen so subtly at first. The last few weeks on GAPS have been my best, and then a few days ago I started noticing that I was feeling tired, anxious, overwhelmed, and became constipated again. I went through this once before a couple of months ago, and it took me a while to recognize I was “off” then, too. The good news is that like yourself, I’m just rolling with the punches and keeping in mind that the last time I went through this it was followed by my BEST days, so…
    Hang in there, you will ride it out. Hope everything goes well at the dentist- I know you’ll be fine. You’ve come a long way already!

  2. Hi Tara Marie: I was just thinking this morning about what could have made me feel so exhausted and two things came to mind. First, last weekend I cleaned my bedroom which took seven straight hours of going through stuff, sorting, throwing away, etc. And I went to a get together with some blogging friends and I went swimming in a chlorinated swimming pool. Then at the dentist appointment they took two x-rays. I think my body was working hard to detox the chlorine, and the effects of the x-ray and that’s why I’ve been so tired. Thank you for your encouragement and I hope you are feeling better soon, too!

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